Writing my first post here on this new blog, I wanted to speak to the power - and the issues with - becoming visible.
Ever since I got back to Sweden 2,5 years ago after 15 years in the Golden State, I've struggled with my identity, and how to be fully authentic in who I am now. After so many years away, where I had changed into a very different person than the one who left Sweden, I met my old self or rather old selves upon reentering Sweden. Which caused a lot of anxiety. Since I also had to figure out how to make a living, it was so easy going back to the "business-me", which was the Lotta I left behind. But she had so little to do with the person I am today. My fantasy-writing was one aspect of me that needed to get expressed. Yet what came to be the most important part of me, for now, to express, is my love for working with women, and this time, connecting women's "jewels" (a.k.a. yonis or vaginas) with women's strong connection to pleasure, creation and eros, which is very different than solely relying on our often well-equipped brains to make things happen. When we are connected to this force-field, which also helps us connect with something bigger than ourselves, we blossom - and the world blossoms. Owning this fully, however, speaking publicly about it, has been a journey in itself, and before I could fully own it, I couldn't be visible either.
And that is the crux of becoming visible. The more we reveal of our deepest selves, whether it's through our music, our writing, our speaking, our art, the more "dangerous" it feels. And quite frankly. It is perilous. Especially for women. Yet, the price for staying silent and being hidden is so much higher. Life was never meant to be safe. The more we contract in fear, the more diminished our lives get, and as a result, we end up withholding our gifts and our essence from the world. As Zola wrote, "We are here to live out loud". Which I'm, finally! ready for. How about you?
In the coming weeks and months, I'll slowly but surely reveal me, with all my imperfections, even on video-camera, phew:), but it's a process that I'm also excited about. My hope is to inspire you to do the same.
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In Love and Truth,