5 Steps To Awaken Your Feminine Leadership

 GABRIEL GARCIA MARENGO, UNSPLASH

GABRIEL GARCIA MARENGO, UNSPLASH

Hi Gorgeous!

This week, I wanted to share how you can awaken your feminine leadership in five steps.

First I need to define what I mean by Awakening Feminine Leadership. The way I summarize a whole school of teaching is to call it juicy, empowered and inner-directed. I will go into a detailed description down the road, but for now, you can read a quick intro here. There are currently many offerings teaching women how to step into leadership, raise their voices, and build businesses, which I believe are deeply important. There are also a growing bounty of programs for women wanting to step into their feminine power, often defined as softer and less thrusting, many times connected to the divine feminine. Which is wonderful and sorely needed as well.

What is at the core of what I'm offering is that feminine leadership awakens at the body level, more specifically, between your legs and that eros plays an essential lead. Your jewel is your seat of power and when this part of you is activated, when "she" is turned on, it will change how you relate to the world, how you lead yourself, how you create and how you engage with and lead others.. This is not only about a different perception of yourself, it is a physiologically, neurologically, psychologically and even on a soul-level different state. I will write more about this further on as well, but for now, let's focus on the five steps:

1. Become a BFF with your jewel. Use a hand-mirror, say hello to your jewel, praise her and learn how to pleasure yourself with presence and with all your senses. The more you recognize her holiness and hotness, the more you will see that mirrored back to you, even in a complicated negotiation at work.
2. Sway your hips - a moving meditationon with perks:). Sway your hips on your way to work or to meetings (in order for this to happen you need to walk more slowly and with awareness. You can see it as a form of walking meditation with benefits). See if you can be fully present while swaying your hips and enjoy the sensation in each step you take. It's a great way to get embodied and access your femininity and it's equally beneficial for releasing tension in your lower back and hips.
3. Take regular dance breaks. Take a wild dance break, in the morning, at noon, and before an important meeting. It's good for your brain, it destresses you, and it helps you move into your feminine empowerment, while adding more pleasure into your life.
4. Initiate a 'good-girl detox'. Go through your to-do list that is filled with shoulds and musts, like being the one taking on all the extra projects at work, offering to organize the outing at school (unless, of course, you really love it) and overall, see if you can cut down at least 30% of your current undertakings, so you can free up more time for being.
5. Prioritize going inwards and creating alone-time. Cultivate presence through a sensing practice, you can download my honey-filled version here for free (scroll down and sign up), through a daily meditation practice and by spending 30 minutes alone each day, if possible at least a few minutes in nature.

These are all simple steps, but they will make a big difference if you practice them daily. More and more research shows (which the spiritual masters always have known and taught) that the way we transform our existence is not by the grand gestures, or by moving to a mountain top in Tibet, but what we practice on a daily basis.

Have a juicy, empowered and inner-directed week!

In love and truth,
Lotta Lovisa
 

 

The Pressure Path vs The Pleasure Path

Jordan WHITFIELD, UNSPLASH

Most of us have been schooled in the path of pressure. We've learned how get adrenalized close to a deadline, and when a project is completed, we jump into the next one, create to-do-lists that never get shorter, no matter how much we accomplish, and the pressure is always on.

However, most of us have not been taught in school, or elsewhere, in the ways of the pleasure path. Frankly, for most of my life, I couldn't even conceive there 1) was such a path 2) what it had to do with me 3) how on earth I could get anything done through pleasure.

It's still a discovery each day, and I find myself reverting to pressure, even when writing about pleasure, which I find such a lovely irony. It is also a reminder that years of conditioning, especially at the level of the nervous system, don't change that easily.

 CARLI JEEN UNSPLASH

CARLI JEEN UNSPLASH



Here are the three things that I've learned, and teach, on how to switch gears:
1) Get out of the head. Take a break and move away from the war-zone that is our heads, and move into our bodies. First by taking a couple of deep breaths, and then by putting on some music and taking a dance-break or skip the music and just shake out the body. Like animals do when they've been in a stressful situation. Essentially, we need to end the contraction and move into a physical and neurological state of ease. Oh, and connecting with the jewel on a conscious level helps too:)!
2) Surrender. So let's say we have a deadline and we realize that we  can stay up the coming two nights and get it done, but that it will cost us dearly, and that there is a new deadline around the corner after that. The first step is to surrender to the fact that it is too demanding and start questioning and negotiating deadlines that often are arbitrary in the first place. What is possible and reasonable?  If it is a hard deadline that can't be changed, we can lower our own ambitions, see step 3. Another great way of dealing with pressure is to start creating much more space in our calendar and not let any new assignments in.
3) Letting go of perfection. Pleasure and perfection are at direct crossroads. Perfection, according to Jungian psychoanalyst Marion Woodman is an addiction that needs to be treated as such. Perfection eats life for breakfast. Another way of looking at perfection is to see that our inner judge is at work, the one that is terrified that we will make a wrong move, so we better check that writing ten more times before we let it go (looking at me:)). Letting go of our inner judge is a process too, but just to recognize that it is at work, is a great start. One of the best ways to discover  that our inner judge is running the show is to recognize the use of the world "should".  "I should have gotten that revision done last week". "I should have done a better job". "Someone else should have done their job right." 

So checking in with ourselves, after our dance break, and seeing that we will do what we can, and that that will be good enough is a great way to get started on the pleasure path. It is also a reminder to not treat "life as a problem to be solved, but rather as a reality to be experienced" according to Kirkegaard or according to Osho, as "a mystery to be lived".

Choosing the pleasure path instead of the pressure path is a choice we will need to keep coming back to. A choice to be taken again and again. If we truly believe that it is possible to live from a place of juiciness, empowerment and inner-direction, we need to make pleasure a priority. Pleasure will have to trump pressure in our own inner world, and be something we really want in our lives. Imagine if life could be lived from that place of play? And to see life as a mystery to be lived?

Have a lovely and juicy week!
Love and truth,
Lotta Lovisa
 

 


 

 

How to choose pleasure even when life sucks

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How to choose pleasure even when life sucks

Increasingly, I recognize that not only joy, but pleasure in itself, are states of awareness, of presence that function at a higher level of existence. Our brains are wired to focus on the negative; a survival skill, which usually goes under the name of negativity bias. In short, it is absolutely natural to dwell on our fears, worries, judgments and to compare ourselves to others, feeling like we are missing out, a.k.a. FOMO. Tara Brach, a lovely and wise Buddhist mindfulness teacher and psychogist, talks about that we keep being in a trance when we lean forward instead of being here. Which is what I wrote about last week, and that I'm super-duper good at.

Presence

The solution lies in getting out of our trance, and to move into a state of presence. It has to be a choice of being here, rather than getting stuck in our minds of wanting to be somewhere else. Tara Brach, in one of her latest talks, quotes a passage from the book The Snow Leopard by Peter Mathieson when we he meets a Lama who is crippled, can't move and hence is stationary in the Himalayan mountains. When he is asked how he can be so happy, being so crippled, living a very small life, he laughs wildly and responds. "Of course I'm happy. It's wonderful. Especially when I have no choice". Peter Mathieson is astonished at the whole-hearted acceptance - and so am I, and it also makes me happy.

Pleasure as a shortcut

Even if we aren't practiced Lamas, we can get there through mindfulness, remembering that we are in a trance. There is also is a shortcut to get out of trance, especially when life sucks: embodied pleasure. More specifically, and now I'm referring to us ladies again, the pleasure point that is located beneath our belt:) (I have a feeling a lot can be applied to men too, but I'm speaking to what I know). Mama Gena speaks and writes about her experience when she was learning the art of pleasure and asked to turn on her pleasure, even when she is not feeling it, as a practice. Which, to her astonishment, she realizes that she can. I'm learning it slowly as well, even though it's so easy to forget to practice it. Here's how I broke out of my trance of blues today:

1. I realized that I had a sleep deficit that was weeks overdue - so I went to bed early, which was a first way of reconnecting and of showing kindness towards myself and my body.
2. This morning I was still a bit sluggish, so before I did my regular practices, I took two minutes stroking her, my jewel, only for the sake of getting out of trance, which helped me remember that I indeed have a body.
3. Then I talked with a friend who is also part of the pleasure club, and the heaviness that comes out of being in trance (being stuck in our minds) dissipated.

Over the day, I recognized that writing helps me out of my trance too, as well as coaching. A wild dance in the living room adds an additional flavor. But it all starts with a recognition that I am stuck in trance - and that I can do something about it.

For women, in particular, we have also been given two other tools that are linked to one another - pleasure - and sisterhood - where the former is always available if we practice it, and the latter is something we can learn how to cultivate.

Sometimes I'm so astonished by this power, the power of the feminine, the power of presence and the power of the jewel - helping us to recognize pleasure, especially when we don't have a choice - that I feel like it should be yelled at from the rooftops, or patented:), or both.

To a highly pleasurable week.

In love and truth,
Lotta Lovisa

 

Savoring the World

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One core tenet of Tantra is to Savor the World. Exactly as it is. Instead of saving it or trying to make it different. I spent most of my life working on the latter, with the slightly ambitious goal of changing the world. (I even had a blog with that name - and I gave myself 365 days - haha. Aging has its absolute perks). Now I'm in a different relationship with the world. Instead of treating it as fixer-upper, the world and I are, for most of the time in the friendship category (even though I must admit that ice-lined pavements mid March is putting a bit of a strain in our relationship:)), which at times turn straight into a full-fledged love affair.

So is wanting to save the world wrong?

It depends. Jack Kornfield, a meditation teacher and psychologist, put it like this: 

"If you want to save the environment, save it because you love it, not because it needs saving".

Which is what I believe to be true today as well. If we are in the present moment, and start or get involved with something that we love for its own sake, which then happens to have a positive impact on people, or the planet, right now (it's impossible to know the impact of our actions 100 years from now) then that's paradise, free from cause or outcome-orientation. The motivation is coming from a savoring energy instead of a saving one.

The way the savoring energy can show up in our bodies is when we are joyfully relaxed, connected to all our senses and our hearts, and in my case,  it makes me want to throw a dance party, blow a kiss and pull out my pink boa:).

If we contrast that with the saving energy in our bodies, connected to the cause we are passionate about, we can detect it as a leaning-forward energy, with intensity, stealiness and tension focused on the problem that we want to solve, which also can show up as a burning sensation of frustration.

An alternative to contraction

I never knew there was an alternative to to contraction and forcing my will upon the world. I didn't know that savoring the world is about seeing how the world desires me right back (how trippy is that!). Now I feel like I struck gold:) and I love to share this juicy feminine way of relating to the world, which is what I offer through my courses and my coaching.

What is your relationship with savoring vs saving? How does it show up in your body? And how can you invite more a sense of savoring in your own life? And how would that impact how you live, lead and create?

Next week, I'm offering a limited number of free exploration sessions if you are curious about exploring working with me, and/or want to address an issue that you are dealing with - or is just longing for more savoring:). Sign up here!

To a savory-filled week!

Love and Truth,
Lotta Lovisa

Holding Life Lightly

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There is a fascinating correlation between courtesans, Tantrikas, Dervishes and other enlightened beings, such as Dalai Lama. They all hold life lightly. Dalai Lama is frequently caught jumping up and down on his sitting pillow with glee. Osho, a Tantrika, was known for his laughter and clarity. One of my Tantric yoga teachers said that you can easily see when a Daoist, Tantrica or a Darvish enters a room versus a Buddhist or an Ashtanga Yoga follower or teacher (I started out in the Ashtanga Path and also became a teacher in that tradition - the yoga-tradtion of A-type personalities, as someone quipped to me). The latters are heavier, more solemn, and the former, more serene and vibrant. Which also can be found in many courtesans of the past.

When we hold life lightly, we stand with one foot in our regular life and one foot in what's bigger than us. As what I learn in the path that I'm following, the Diamond Approach, being in the world but not of the world. We can hold ourselves, and our egos, with compassion, almost like being bemused by watching a child's dramatic displays. We don't get stuck in it. And that is also what is true if we follow a path that is pleasure-focused, where we are connected to our jewels. Because it's easy, especially in a world of suffering, to give pleasure a bad rap, or that alternately it becomes shallow and more about instant gratification instead of the life-force that it is. Increasingly, I see these two paths as deeply interconnected or maybe even one and the same.

In what situations do you feel weighed down or contracted? How does it feel in your body? And in what situations can you hold yourself lightly? And watch yourself with compassion? How does that affect your body?

My course about the above and the importance of awakening to the feminine is starting March 13. Check it out here.

Love and Truth,
Lotta Lovisa

 

Becoming Visible

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Writing my first post here on this new blog, I wanted to speak to the power - and the issues with  - becoming visible.

Ever since I got back to Sweden 2,5 years ago after 15 years in the Golden State, I've struggled with my identity, and how to be fully authentic in who I am now. After so many years away, where I had changed into a very different person than the one who left Sweden, I met my old self or rather old selves upon reentering Sweden. Which caused a lot of anxiety. Since I also had to figure out how to make a living, it was so easy going back to the "business-me", which was the Lotta I left behind. But she had so little to do with the person I am today. My fantasy-writing was one aspect of me that needed to get expressed. Yet what came to be the most important part of me, for now, to express, is my love for working with women, and this time, connecting women's "jewels" (a.k.a. yonis or vaginas) with women's strong connection to pleasure, creation and eros, which is very different than solely relying on our often well-equipped brains to make things happen. When we are connected to this force-field, which also helps us connect with something  bigger than ourselves, we blossom - and the world blossoms. Owning this fully, however, speaking publicly about it, has been a journey in itself, and before I could fully own it, I couldn't be visible either.

And that is the crux of becoming visible. The more we reveal of our deepest selves, whether it's through our music, our writing, our speaking, our art, the more "dangerous" it feels. And quite frankly. It is perilous. Especially for women. Yet, the price for staying silent and being hidden is so much higher. Life was never meant to be safe. The more we contract in fear, the more diminished our lives get, and as a result, we end up withholding our gifts and our essence from the world. As Zola wrote, "We are here to live out loud". Which I'm, finally! ready for. How about you?

In the coming weeks and months, I'll slowly but surely reveal me, with all my imperfections, even on video-camera, phew:), but it's a process that I'm also excited about. My hope is to inspire you to do the same.

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In Love and Truth,
Lotta Lovisa